November 7, 2019
In New York, the moment a relationship becomes serious is when the person you’re dating meets your landlord.
Left: Sunglasses archival Dior, shirt archival Lanvin
Right: Skirt worn as top Issey Miyake, trousers Dries Van Noten, headband stylist’s own
Dress archival Comme Des Garçons, shorts stylist’s own
Because I’m such a homebody, I guess that means that most of the relationships I’ve been in have been serious? I’m a very serious person (joke) so that means I get myself into many serious relationships.
In the seven years I’ve been in New York, I’ve lived in five different apartments. Four times in Brooklyn and once in the city. I know it sounds insane that I didn’t instantly moved to Brooklyn after my first year of college, but it’s actually easier than you think to find an apartment in NYC. Lately, I keep getting asked if it’s easy to live in New York. My answer for that question is; is it easy to live anywhere?
‘Easy’ is not the right word to describe what it’s like to live in a Metropolitan city, and I’d never say that it’s anywhere near extraordinarily pleasant. If you’re like me, you could find solace in most places, fall asleep in mostly any chair and make yourself at home. Except for that one time I went to a sleepover in elementary school and I got yelled at for eating cereal out of the bag.
I am almost 25 and I’m trying to figure out what I have to show for it. I have traveled to some of the world, fallen in and out of love, changed my hair color about 30 times, changed jobs as many times as I felt like it and I even started to figure out my purpose.
When I was younger, I used to tell people that I wanted to be a bakery lady. While that’s still true, I have found a love for writing that aches deep within me. I don’t just feel like I have something to say, I know I have something to say. Whether it be about how to deal with emotions, what fashion I’ve been feeling and how to be a nicer person, if I couldn’t write it all down, I wouldn’t know how to cope with living on this giant planet.
Cape archival Lanvin, jeans stylist own, shoes archival Manolo Blahnik
Hat stylist’s own, jacket archival Jil Sander, shirt Ralph Lauren
“My advice for anyone with growing pains is that if something hurts, say ouch.”
Shirt worn under dress by Ralph Lauren, dress archival Issey Miyake, shoes archival Prada
Finding my purpose makes me feel like I can do anything. I always knew I had dreams in me, but they range from everything like being on SNL to going on tour with a band. I plan on accomplishing those dreams, but lately I’ve been thinking about writing a book. Or multiple books. If we don’t share our truths with the world, are we really living to our full potential?
Along with finding my purpose at age 25, I made a list of things I’d like to accomplish:
Fall in love again
Save my money (and mean it)
Push myself to go out and have fun
Be less judgemental
Be confident wearing flat shoes
Tell everyone I love that I love them more
What seems like an easy task, actually sounds like climbing a mountain to me. I haven’t been feeling my best lately and it’s not because of the season changing or something specific, but I think it has everything to do with growing pains. It’s hard to get older. Really hard. It hurts and it feels like there is no one around to help or understand. You can tell someone how you feel, but you can never really get that person to understand or know what it’s like to be in your shoes.
I think learning that is part of why it’s so difficult to live sometimes. It kind of reminds me of this Angel Olsen lyric where she says “I thought this time last year I’d be dead / It’s quite strange the thoughts that pop into your head / When you’re busy smiling surrounded by your closest of friends.”
Dress Archival Yves Saint Laurent, leggings Stylist’s own, shoes Archival Prada
Left: Cape archival Junya Watanabe, shirt stylist’s own, skirt archival Comme Des Garçons, tights stylist’s own, shoes archival Prada Right: Dress by Dries Van Noten
Jacket archival Balenciaga, skirt archival Balenciaga,
scarf archival Dries Van Noten, hat Stylist’s own