The worst part about being ghosted is that you’re left to pick up the pieces alone and there are so many that it’s like you don’t even know where to begin. The only way to get over being ghosted is to quickly move on or else you’ll be stuck in this weird limbo- where you have to face yourself and the other person’s inability to be honest and upfront. In my opinion, ghosting is more painful than a bad breakup because it feels like there’s no resolution. It leaves a person distraught and unable to properly process what’s going on. It’s like a story with no ending. No one likes being ghosted, yet we frequently find ourselves here, and the only solution is to just not do it. It’s mind blowing to think that in 2020, people still can’t confront themselves and their emotions, even if it means doing the tiny gesture of making the person on the other end feel less like garbage.
I recently listened to this podcast that talked about this scientist in the 60’s named Arthur Aron who wrote a series of 36 questions to help you fall in love, because supposedly these questions really help you get to know someone. When I went through the questions alone, I spent some time thinking about my answers and one night I asked Connor, someone I had a three-night-stand with, the question about regrets. This is how I knew it’d never work with him; he told me one of his biggest regrets was not hooking up with this girl he knew before she got a boyfriend. When I asked Zach, someone I had a bit of a big crush on, his answers all seemed funny and I knew it wouldn’t work because I was looking to make a real connection.
What started as a fun game turned into something I asked all my prospective dates. I’d gone through too much small talk to not want something meaningful, while simultaneously wanting to maintain a “no strings attached” situation. I’m not sure if that exists.
As we sat on the floor in my living room drinking beer and staring into each other’s eyes, I listened to Mason tell me about his passions and dreams- which all matched mine- which made him almost too good to be true. We both wanted to be writers, but we didn’t know what we wanted to write about. We both liked fashion, but didn’t want to take it too seriously. We both…at that moment-I wanted to kiss him and hold his hand and buy books for him and fix his past heartbreaks because for once I had met someone I felt like ‘just got it.’
Our three dates were mysterious and sad and confusing, especially when he showed up at my house blackout drunk while swiping on Tinder and going back and forth on whether he liked me or was still torn up about his previous relationship.
The thing about being heartbroken is that it takes a lot of time to get over, and sometimes the people we want in our lives the most are incapable of loving themselves, which makes it extraordinarily hard to like/love someone else in turn. Mason had gone through a heartbreak in February, which further indicated that he’d probably only be ready to date again if the person was not as complicated as me, not as passionate as me and most of all, not me. Sometimes what we want the most is incredibly out of reach, and the only way to fill our void is to be with someone who makes things ‘easy.’ I’ve never been one to do that, but I’ve always been someone who is down for a good time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t know why I crushed for him, or why I fall in love so easily in general. I think it’s because falling in love is an act of defiance. In a time of such uncertainty and sadness, the least we can do is put ourselves out there in the most genuine way and hope to be understood by someone else. Someone who warms us because they want to, and not because it feels like the right thing to do.