I am so lucky to have made so many wonderful friends this year who have kind hearts and genuine souls and want the best for others. I’ve always struggled with making friends, but I feel like as I get older, this is something that has fallen into place.
During the cold months, I find myself being incredibly lonely. Instead of reaching for someone to date who probably isn’t good for me, I’ve reached for friends. That’s something I don’t think I’ve ever been able to say.
Every week I attend group therapy, which has been such a huge help for my emotional well being. Last week, to end the year, we made lists of everything we want to leave behind in 2019. After we made our lists, we ripped them up and threw them away. I cried. I got extraordinarily emotional because seeing all of the ‘bad’ qualities I have makes me want to be so mad at myself. Instead of being mad at myself, I took a step back and realized that all of these negative pieces of myself can be turned into qualities that I love. People constantly talk about self love (which sounds stupid and cheesy) but if we don’t have it, how can we expect to succeed and have others love us?
2019 was incredibly difficult for me emotionally and physically, but it was also filled with beauty and love and kindness. I fell in and out of love, made the most wonderful friends, moved out of a mentally exhausting apartment and into my forever spot, traveled, hugged my cat A LOT, landed my dream column (aka this one) and saw and felt things that I never believed I’d be able to. I could spend a lot of time focusing on all of the things that I didn’t like about this year, but that would only set me back. For 2020, I want to continue to grow as a loving, big hearted person with an open door policy for anyone who needs to talk, but this year I am going to set boundaries with myself and others and hope that everything turns out okay.