I have a hard time with patience because throughout my life, I feel like I’ve become overly hopefully to the point of losing all hope? Try: My grossest hardship with patience are the lofty hopes I develop, waiting and waiting. Forever, particularly with dating or friendships, and incidentally with food. Have you ever waited thirty minutes for a souffle and when it arrives it’s either too chocolatey or nearly incinerates your tongue? You may think there is nothing wrong with a soufflé being too chocolatey, but there is if your impatience led you to an impulsive chocolately snack you weren’t craving as much as you’d hoped.
I think that’s one of the reasons it’s been hard for me to date. In addition to the bully-induced trauma, leaving me like a certain broken dorm room mirror (if you’re a mirror, hi, it’s you), I juggle this frenetic impatience. The lack of validation I received in my youth makes me need it twice over now, making it impossible to sense if someone likes me, and causing a restlessness. I just wish that whenever someone is interested in me, they’d go ahead and say so. And, that I can begin a relationship with my snacks quicker.
Hey! It’s 2019.5 and the time to play games is over. If you want to engage in consensual kissing and laughter, it shouldn’t be this hard to do so. I can’t read what your eyes are saying when you stare at me. For all I know you could be staring back at me lovingly because I have a delicious looking crumb on my face.
We are all afraid of being vulnerable, we are all afraid of having our heartbroken and we are all afraid of liking someone too much that it hurts. But if we don’t at least try, how will we know? I don’t want to have to be the seven billionth person on the planet to say some stupid bullshit like that you shouldn’t be afraid of falling in love. I don’t even know if I wrote that to myself or to someone else, but it feels good to write down. There are worse things in life, like TOMS shoes, shoes that look like TOMS shoes, me not getting booked for TOMS, and the geopolitical climate.