I feel like the person was unprepared for someone as ridiculous and emotional as me. We don’t talk anymore for many really silly and specific reasons, and it makes me question if the love was real because they never apologized for the amount of hurt they caused, even when I tried to apologize to them. I guess love really does mean never having to say you’re sorry, I shouldn’t still be upset, three years later. I think that because I still have a crush on my first crush from Junior Kindergarten, I still feel some sort of pain.
It’s hilarious to me that the rare times I go back to visit my family in Miami, they ask me if I’m ready to settle down and start a family. That thought truly feels scary to me. I’m inspired by the people around me who have found their ‘person,’ but trying to figure out if I have one feels truly like walking to a haunted house where it’s been proven that there are ghosts.
The third time I experienced what felt like true love, it hit me out of nowhere. It was exactly a year ago and some of the most fun months of my life I’ve ever had. It felt like I was a little kid again, chasing around the other kids on the playground making kissing noises at them. I was completely unprepared, and even more unprepared for the heartbreak I endured, that I still think about sometimes. The person ended things with me after they went on summer vacation. We met near my old apartment and they sat me down and told me they weren’t physically or emotionally attracted to me and that they were just dragging me on for the entirety that we dated because I seemed so happy. It really, really hurt to say the least. Regardless of if that was true or if they just wanted to dig a knife into my heart, it completely shattered my ability to want to find love again. I still quiver when I hear the person’s name and some days I have a hard time looking in the mirror because their words of hatred fill my head. Although I’ve moved on, I think about this person a lot and wonder if they ever think about me.